News Report from the Veritas News Bureau

[NeroWolfe]

29 February 2010
Santa Arnoldi, California
Veritas News Bureau

This evening at 8:21 PM, Professor Ashton Dunhill became the first person arrested under the “no carry” law recently enacted by the California Legislature. Professor Dunhill was taken down by a heavily armed SWAT team as he entered a local Charbucks store to purchase his customary evening cappuccino. As witnesses reported, a bystander on the street had called 911 when he saw Professor Dunhill emerge from his car with a smoking pipe (albeit unlit) inserted into a pipe holster on his belt. As proscribed by the California law (the so-called “no carry” law), any person caught carrying a pipe in a belt holster in a public place would be subject to immediate arrest, a mandatory fine of $ 10,000 and a 90 day jail sentence in solitary confinement. As soon as the SWAT team saw Professor Dunhill enter the Charbucks they moved into action. Women were heard to be screaming, and children crying, as one of the patrons in Charbucks, Mr. Potbelly Courouge screamed, “PIPE ! PIPE! PIPE!”.

Mr. Courouge, in an exclusive interview with the Veritas News Bureau, expressed pleasure in helping to “take down one of those pipe nuts”. Mr. Courouge was proudly wearing twin 44 magnum pistols in a leather belt and holsters while in the Charbucks, benefiting from California law and a recent decision by the well-known coffee chain that allows patrons to openly carry firearms in their shops. Professor Dunhill is expected to be arraigned in Superior Court tomorrow at 10:00 AM. He is reportedly married, has three children, and is a local youth organization volunteer.

Santa Arnoldi College, Professor Dunhill’s employer, also issued a statement: “ We are disgusted by Professor Dunhill’s behavior, and he is herby terminated from his position with the College.” In a separate announcement, Santa Arnoldi College indicated that in order to comply with a recent U.S. Supreme Court ruling, it would restrict students from carrying more than three firearms at any one time while on the College campus.

(Reporting by Nero Holmes, Veritas News Bureau)

[TRS]

I'd been meaning to ask this but forgot (and this reminded me); is it true that you can't even smoke in your car in California? Someone once told me a friend of theirs had been ticketed on the highway in CA for smoking....

[kbadkar]

You can't smoke in the car if there's a minor in the vehicle, otherwise, no problem.

[TRS]

You can't smoke in the car if there's a minor in the vehicle, otherwise, no problem.

Ha, okay, thanks. I thought that seemed a little extreme (even for CA ).