Before I get started, I want to briefly explain why I am offering this critique. When I started this forum 17-ish years ago it was very important to me that it be a place of learning for pipe makers (obviously). To that end a key component was that it be a place for pipe makers to receive honest feedback in order that they may grow. There were then, and now more so, myriad forums to post pipe photos for the receipt of universal glowing praise. Objectively, such effusive praise is unwarranted for most of the pipes. The praise protects the feelings of pipe makers, but its not very helpful if the pipe maker wants to improve his craft. It creates delusion. To be clear, I think the world needs both kinds of place, those that blindly praise and those that are critically honest. Clearly though, there is an extreme imbalance to the former (effusive praise), and we have had to work actively to make this forum a place to find the latter (helpful honesty). That said, the Facebook group which was created to be a gateway to this forum has not participated as fully in the honest critiques as this site has. Hopefully this critique can be my small contribution to begin to improve upon that.
Let's start with the back view of the pipe. I've posted the original photo, a second with the issues in the "lines" circled in blue, and a third with better lines drawn in red. In general the issue here is waviness and a lack of symmetry. Side note, it needn't be symmetrical per se, but in this case symmetry appears to have been the goal and was missed. If the goal actually was asymmetry, it was missed in any aesthetically pleasing sense. Asymmetry is hard to make look good, but it's great when it does.
PLEASE NOTE...MY LINES ARE NOT EVEN CLOSE TO PERFECT DUE TO MY LIMITED EDITING ABILITIES. THIS REMAINS TRUE OF ALL OF MY EDITS. THEY ARE FAR FROM PERFECT, BUT AFTER A FEW HOURS OF EFFORT THIS IS THE BEST I CAN DO. HOPEFULLY THE INTENT OF MY EDIT IS CLEAR. PLEASE ALSO NOTE, I WISH I"D USED A DIFFERENT COLOR AND WIDER LINE FOR THE PHOTO ABOVE, BUT I"M NOT DOING IT AGAIN.
Now lets look at the top since it is the same profile from the mirrored view. With this I'll simply offer the original photo and a second with my rudimentary attempt at reshaping the pipe. Notice in the original up the edges of both shanks there is a bend back toward the stem at the end of the shank. It is much more severe on the left. Theses should remain straight. For the stem, the edges are drunkenly weaving all over the place. Again, these should be straight. Also, the overhang of the button from the stem is both unsightly, and uncomfortable in the mouth. Last negative comment is the windshield is asymmetrical. The left edge is higher than the right. (I don't draw attention to that in my edited photo because, as you'll see for the next piece, I think it should just go away. Taking it away is a more subjective opinion than the others I offer, but I think it should just go away.) On the good side, your turning skills appear quite good. The bowl is perfect. The tapered flare of the stem is perfect. The execution of the gold inlay looks very well done.
NOTE: I EDITED BOTH THE SHANK AND THE STEM IN THE PHOTO ON THE RIGHT.
Next let's look at the profile view. As before, the bowl is turned very well. Moving to the lines -- think here of the profile of the pipe if held up to a bright light and all you could see is the outline of the shape -- they are again off. On the top of the shank, at the end near the stem it rounds over toward the stem. This should continue straight along the established line until the abrupt end of the shank. As for the bottom line, the arc of the line is quite nice. It is a fluid curve from the top of the bowl through to the shank end. However, there is a sneaky but major issue here. The angle of the mortise -- and therefore the angle of the stem is inserted -- doesn't match this line. It's hard to explain what I mean, but hopefully my rough edit illustrates my point. You can see I erased a lot of the bottom of the pipe along the shank. That was not to thin the shank per se, but to change the general angle of the shank to match the insertion angle of the stem. You'll also notice I cleaned the lines of the stem, thinned it up, and cleaned up the button. I think those changes are self-evident. Lastly, the line of the eye-shaped shank has no harmony with the curve of the shank before I cut away some of the shank, and my changes only made that worse. Showing how to fix that is beyond my photo editing skills, so I'll just have to leave the correction to imagination.
When you view both the original and my edit side-by-side in the above photo I think it's clear that my edit is not necessarily a more attractive pipe. By fixing the alignment of the shank with the stem through thinning the shank, the balance of the pipe is now off. The stem flare is too heavy -- made even more so by the thinned stem -- and the shank is too svelte for the chunky bowl. Honestly, viewed side-by-side, I'll say now regret removing the windshield. I don't love the concept, but by removing it I think I threw off the balance of the bowl height to the overall proportion of the pipe. Thus the difficulty of pipe making! Deden captured a lot of nice chunky proportion, but missed some critical lines. Fixing those lines throws off the proportion. Getting it all right is a hard tug-of-war! There is also the issue of the middle line for the edge of the eye-shank. It is really droopy now that I lifted the bottom line. I wish I had the editing skills to change that. Also a quick note on the thinned stem. I really didn't mean to thin it as much as I did. As I tried to fix the shape of the stem it got a little too thin for the overall design of this pipe. In your mind, take the shape I created and puff the size back up to halfway between Deden's and mine . Also note I fixed the shape of the button.
In conclusion, let me address the typical responses from those new to a critique like this. First, I mean good for Deden not harm or pain. Second, the most common outcry is: SUBECTIVE OPINION! BEAUTY IS IN THE EYE OF THE BEHOLDER! I will make two comments about that outcry. First -- and least controversially -- what I am pointing out will help you sell more pipes and at a higher price if you make the changes. Second -- controversially and fodder for another thread -- I believe beauty being in the eye of the beholder is balderdash.
Deden, you clearly have a lot of talent. Keep up the good work! Your work is inspiring enough to chase me out of a cave after probably a decade since writing a pipe critique. Carve on!
