Hey everyone,
I just wanted to drop a message announcing the opening of my website in conjunction with my first appearance at a pipeshow this weekend in Richmond. Browse on over to www.jalanpipes.com and let me know what you think.
Jeff
J. Alan Pipes is now online
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omar_colocci
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:00 pm
- Location: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
- Contact:
Hi Jeff!
Congrats for your website! The photos are beautifully made and your pipes are beutiful.
The only suggestion I make is that your website is all flash based but makes nearly no use of such technology and still is quite heavy to load, so maybe it's the case for you to talk to the webdesign team about it.
Keep the great work going!!!
Congrats for your website! The photos are beautifully made and your pipes are beutiful.
The only suggestion I make is that your website is all flash based but makes nearly no use of such technology and still is quite heavy to load, so maybe it's the case for you to talk to the webdesign team about it.
Keep the great work going!!!
Regards,
Omar Colocci
Omar Colocci
random wrote:I think *any* site that introduces itself with a shockwave file is on my list of do-not-visit sites.
I hope you feel better now that you've gotten that off of your chest. Judging by the wealth of knowledge you consistently spew onto this site and your penchant for egregiousness, I'm guessing that this is about as polite and complimentary a response as anyone could expect. Thanks for your valuable ( 
) and constructive criticism. Indeed.random wrote:As usual I hold an extreme minority opinion, I'm sure.
JAG
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RocheleauPipes
- Posts: 66
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:00 pm
- Location: Kelowna BC Canada
- Contact:
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omar_colocci
- Posts: 43
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:00 pm
- Location: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
- Contact:
beautiful site! I really like the ease of use and design. Good luck with it.
John Harms
http://www.jthpipes.com
http://www.jthpipes.com
Very cool buddy.
I like the feel of it. Very nice. The only critique I have relates to the text. The language used in the intro page seems a bit stilted, especially in the second paragraph.
"I welcome contact with my customers, potential buyers or interested individuals via email of telephone."
This just seems a bit awkward to me. It doesn't flow well and starts with "I". Make the reader the center of the conversation. Perhaps somthing like: "Continuing contact with clients and other interested parties will play an important role in my growth as a professional. Questions, comments and criticism are always welcome. Please feel free to contact me via email of through the telephone. Contact information can be found http://www.jalanpipes.com/contact.html."
This, IMHO, smoothes out the wording while also telling the reader how important he or she is to you. Additionally, it takes the forth sentence and places it up at the top, where it merges with the statement on how important the customer is.
Lastly, I would remove the statement about prices from the home page. Make a note that all prices are availible through inquiry in the News section. Also add a "Price:" heading on each pipe's page with a link to your email in place of a dollar figure. You want the focus of the home page to be on introducing yourself and your pipes, and telling the client how important they are.
Regarding the About-History section. Nicely written, but still a bit awkward to my ear. I'm not really sure that I'd change much. A little smoothing here and there, but thats probably just my "preferences" peeking through. I love the start. Makes you seem like a regular guy, hanging out in his garage with a block of wood and a rasp. (When we all know you're like the rising rock-star of American pipe making.
)
"A major turn in ...." This sentence leaves me wanting. When did this happen? Which American pipe makers? And is it a change in the design and execution or goals? Perhaps the change in goals drove the changes in design and execution.
"This represented a transition..." What represented? This change represented? I hope I don't sound harsh. Its not my intent. I would want and appriciate honest, frank critique, and hope you would too. Additionally, I know your desire is to sell pipes in the high end market, but perhaps it might be more palatable to talk about "high grade pipes?" Or "perfection in design and engineering?" Somthing that doesn't scream "High Prices" like the phrase "high-end market."
LOVE the last paragraph. Talks about how the reader is the center of attention. Committment to perfection. See this commitment in Process! Excelent phrasing. Its a committment that continues. Its a process. Happening right now. Not just see it "in action," which has a finite, done feel to it. See it continue, check back and see the progress. Nicely written.
One final comment about this page. I understand the idea of using the third person. But I kept wishing I knew who was speaking. Is it you? Is it one of these American pipe makers you worked with? As a reader, I presume its you, but the third person point of view is confusing. I would suggest either using first person, or see if you can get some one to sign it. Perhaps Tyler or one of your other contacts. Or perhaps your wife. Who better to talk about your growth than your wife?
Materials:
First sentence: Not sure I like the term "merger." I know what you're saying, but a merger is between big expensive corporations. How about "merging"?
Second sentence: Your subject and direct object don't quite match.
"Pipes are an artistic expression of of the pipemaker and collector alike."
Pipes are an expression - should be: "Pipes are artistic expressions..." or "A pipe is an artistic expression..."
Same kind of thing in the third sentence: "Much can be understood about a person(singular) by the pipes they(plural) smoke." Either use "people" and "they" or "person" and "he or she."
Fourth sentense, same thing: "...a pipe must...to accomplish their primary goal..." Should be: "A pipe" and "its goal" or "Pipes" and "their goal"
Fifth sentence: The word "goal" used to closely together. Perhaps use the term "aim" in 5. Or use funtion in 4. I'd go with aim though, since function is used in the first sentence.
Nice finish to the paragraph.
Nice second paragraph. Good and tight. Only thing I might change would be "Following the committment..." to "Following this commitment..." Its fine the way it is, but using "this" commitment makes it more personal. Its my committment and its impotant.
Garantee:
Nice use of the word Pique! Didn't know it had that meaning - to provoke.
Fourth sentence: "If pipe is found...." should be:"If a pipe is found..." Additionally, get rid of the "less shipping charge" line. It just sounds cheap. If you fee compelled to state it some where, make an obscure "policies page" and put it there. Just talk about your committment to customer satisfaction here.
Add the second half of the second paragraph to that policies page too. Again, we're talking about customer satisfaction here. Not policy details that will hopefully never come up.
Well thats all I have. Love the gallary functionality. Very slick. Nice liks section too. Shows that you aren't afraid to let the customer look at other's work. Nice touch.
Hope this was helpful. I intend all these comments as constructive criticism. Things to make your already nice site into a way nice site.
I like the feel of it. Very nice. The only critique I have relates to the text. The language used in the intro page seems a bit stilted, especially in the second paragraph.
"I welcome contact with my customers, potential buyers or interested individuals via email of telephone."
This just seems a bit awkward to me. It doesn't flow well and starts with "I". Make the reader the center of the conversation. Perhaps somthing like: "Continuing contact with clients and other interested parties will play an important role in my growth as a professional. Questions, comments and criticism are always welcome. Please feel free to contact me via email of through the telephone. Contact information can be found http://www.jalanpipes.com/contact.html."
This, IMHO, smoothes out the wording while also telling the reader how important he or she is to you. Additionally, it takes the forth sentence and places it up at the top, where it merges with the statement on how important the customer is.
Lastly, I would remove the statement about prices from the home page. Make a note that all prices are availible through inquiry in the News section. Also add a "Price:" heading on each pipe's page with a link to your email in place of a dollar figure. You want the focus of the home page to be on introducing yourself and your pipes, and telling the client how important they are.
Regarding the About-History section. Nicely written, but still a bit awkward to my ear. I'm not really sure that I'd change much. A little smoothing here and there, but thats probably just my "preferences" peeking through. I love the start. Makes you seem like a regular guy, hanging out in his garage with a block of wood and a rasp. (When we all know you're like the rising rock-star of American pipe making.
) "A major turn in ...." This sentence leaves me wanting. When did this happen? Which American pipe makers? And is it a change in the design and execution or goals? Perhaps the change in goals drove the changes in design and execution.
"This represented a transition..." What represented? This change represented? I hope I don't sound harsh. Its not my intent. I would want and appriciate honest, frank critique, and hope you would too. Additionally, I know your desire is to sell pipes in the high end market, but perhaps it might be more palatable to talk about "high grade pipes?" Or "perfection in design and engineering?" Somthing that doesn't scream "High Prices" like the phrase "high-end market."
LOVE the last paragraph. Talks about how the reader is the center of attention. Committment to perfection. See this commitment in Process! Excelent phrasing. Its a committment that continues. Its a process. Happening right now. Not just see it "in action," which has a finite, done feel to it. See it continue, check back and see the progress. Nicely written.
One final comment about this page. I understand the idea of using the third person. But I kept wishing I knew who was speaking. Is it you? Is it one of these American pipe makers you worked with? As a reader, I presume its you, but the third person point of view is confusing. I would suggest either using first person, or see if you can get some one to sign it. Perhaps Tyler or one of your other contacts. Or perhaps your wife. Who better to talk about your growth than your wife?
Materials:
First sentence: Not sure I like the term "merger." I know what you're saying, but a merger is between big expensive corporations. How about "merging"?
Second sentence: Your subject and direct object don't quite match.
"Pipes are an artistic expression of of the pipemaker and collector alike."
Pipes are an expression - should be: "Pipes are artistic expressions..." or "A pipe is an artistic expression..."
Same kind of thing in the third sentence: "Much can be understood about a person(singular) by the pipes they(plural) smoke." Either use "people" and "they" or "person" and "he or she."
Fourth sentense, same thing: "...a pipe must...to accomplish their primary goal..." Should be: "A pipe" and "its goal" or "Pipes" and "their goal"
Fifth sentence: The word "goal" used to closely together. Perhaps use the term "aim" in 5. Or use funtion in 4. I'd go with aim though, since function is used in the first sentence.
Nice finish to the paragraph.
Nice second paragraph. Good and tight. Only thing I might change would be "Following the committment..." to "Following this commitment..." Its fine the way it is, but using "this" commitment makes it more personal. Its my committment and its impotant.
Garantee:
Nice use of the word Pique! Didn't know it had that meaning - to provoke.
Fourth sentence: "If pipe is found...." should be:"If a pipe is found..." Additionally, get rid of the "less shipping charge" line. It just sounds cheap. If you fee compelled to state it some where, make an obscure "policies page" and put it there. Just talk about your committment to customer satisfaction here.
Add the second half of the second paragraph to that policies page too. Again, we're talking about customer satisfaction here. Not policy details that will hopefully never come up.
Well thats all I have. Love the gallary functionality. Very slick. Nice liks section too. Shows that you aren't afraid to let the customer look at other's work. Nice touch.
Hope this was helpful. I intend all these comments as constructive criticism. Things to make your already nice site into a way nice site.
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KurtHuhn
- Site Admin
- Posts: 5326
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:00 pm
- Location: United States/Rhode Island
Jeff,
That's a great site! The layout and navigation is quite good. I also like the mood of the site, it really helps impart that "high grade" feel.
The only quibble I have is that the entire site is flash, making links to specific documents difficult. Flash has also been known to have varying degrees of functionality with various browsers and plugins, so having a HTML-only site available as an alternative to the flash-only site is sometimes a good idea.
That's a great site! The layout and navigation is quite good. I also like the mood of the site, it really helps impart that "high grade" feel.
The only quibble I have is that the entire site is flash, making links to specific documents difficult. Flash has also been known to have varying degrees of functionality with various browsers and plugins, so having a HTML-only site available as an alternative to the flash-only site is sometimes a good idea.
I've just posted some updates for my site including the addition of a commissioned piece to the past work section of the gallery, the changing of some text, the addition of photos to the materials section (more changes here are forthcoming), and the addition of pipe reviews by customers. I'll be posting close to a dozen new pipes over the coming weeks, so keep watching for updates. I'll make sure I post here when I make the changes.
Jeff
Jeff
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carthagena
- Posts: 37
- Joined: Thu Nov 23, 2006 8:00 pm
- Location: Saint-Claude / France
- Contact: